I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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