i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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