i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
