dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
