ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
