i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
