Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
