i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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