i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
