How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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