uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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