what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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