afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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