Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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