Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
