I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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