I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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