I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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