Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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