Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize