So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
