just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
