Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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