If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
be right there i have to get my cape
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
