How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
