You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
