I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I skipped work to stalk him.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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