Buhtt sex?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
