My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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