You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
