Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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