and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
