It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
