When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
