she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
