Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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