Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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