tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
