i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
