Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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