oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
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My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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