dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
