The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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