eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
