mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
