I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
