please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Let's paint friendship bongs
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
