i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
