did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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