Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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