can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
