i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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