I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
