dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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