Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow bdsm is so cute
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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