I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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