Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
