Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
