A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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