really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
