i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
