Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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