He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
