There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
