Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize