I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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