nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
