they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
