i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
