so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
