I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is my gift to your gina
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
