so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
