sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
