I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
