Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
