I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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