I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
